Queer Friendship: Finding Your People Through Life’s Changes

Some friendships last through every version of ourselves. They survive bad relationships, questionable decisions, major life changes, and the occasional period when everything seems to be falling apart. A decades-long friendship with Sara Solomon is part of the inspiration behind the 2026 book Besties in Crime, but the experiences reflected in the story touch on something much broader: how important it is to have people beside us when life doesn't go according to plan.

Friendship can be one of the most important sources of support during life's difficult transitions. Whether navigating a breakup, recovering from a divorce, or figuring out what comes next, having someone who understands where we've been can make the uncertainty ahead feel a little less intimidating.

The People Who Help Us Through the Hardest Chapters

It's easy to appreciate friendship when life is going well. There are celebrations, vacations, dinners, and plenty of opportunities to make memories together. But the strength of a friendship often becomes most apparent when things aren't going so smoothly.

Heartbreak, divorce, and other major life changes can leave people feeling isolated. Even when a relationship needs to end, that doesn't necessarily make the experience any less painful. There can be grief over the person, the relationship, and the future that was once imagined.

During those periods, a good friend can offer something that is difficult to find elsewhere: perspective. They remember who we were before the heartbreak, understand the circumstances that brought us there, and can remind us that one difficult chapter doesn't define the rest of our lives.

Not every conversation needs to be profound, either. Sometimes support looks like listening to the same story for the hundredth time. Sometimes it's showing up with a distraction, offering an honest opinion, or simply being available when everything feels overwhelming.

The best friendships make room for all of it. They allow people to be vulnerable without feeling like a burden and remind them that they don't have to navigate every difficult experience alone.

Learning to Stand on Your Own

One of the more challenging parts of a major life transition is rediscovering who we are outside of the circumstances we've grown accustomed to.

Relationships can become deeply intertwined with our identities. When a marriage or long-term relationship ends, it's not unusual to wonder what life looks like without that person. The same can happen after leaving a job, moving away from a familiar place, or walking away from a situation that once felt permanent.

Starting over can be uncomfortable, particularly when so much of the future was built around a different plan. But those moments can also create opportunities to recognize just how capable we are on our own.

Independence doesn't mean never needing anyone. It means understanding that our happiness and sense of self don't have to depend entirely on another person. Support from friends and loved ones can help us get there, but eventually, we have to recognize our own strength.

Sometimes that realization comes gradually. Other times, it arrives when circumstances force a change that might not have happened otherwise. Either way, discovering that life can continue, and even improve, after an unexpected ending is an important part of personal growth.

Finding Humor in the Things That Once Hurt

Time has a way of changing how we look at difficult experiences. Something that once felt devastating can eventually become a story told over dinner, a memory shared between friends, or even the inspiration for a creative project.

That doesn't mean the experience wasn't painful or that humor somehow makes it insignificant. Rather, being able to laugh about something that once caused so much heartache can be a sign of how far someone has come.

This is one of the ideas reflected in Besties in Crime. The book draws on real-life friendship dynamics and experiences with relationships, heartbreak, and personal upheaval, transforming some of those familiar moments into a fictional story. The criminal chaos is fictional, but the emotional foundation is rooted in the kinds of experiences many people recognize.

There can be something freeing about looking back at a difficult period with a little more distance. It allows people to acknowledge what happened without remaining defined by it. Sometimes the best evidence of growth is realizing that something which once felt impossible to get through can now make us laugh.

Knowing When It's Time for a New Chapter

Growing older inevitably means outgrowing certain parts of our lives. Relationships change, friendships evolve, careers take unexpected turns, and places that once felt like home may no longer feel right.

The difficult part is recognizing when something has run its course. Familiarity can be comforting, even when a situation is no longer making us happy. It's easy to convince ourselves that staying where we are is the safer option simply because we know what to expect.

But being comfortable isn't always the same as being fulfilled.

Taking a step into the unknown can be intimidating. Leaving a relationship, changing careers, or starting over somewhere new requires accepting that the outcome isn't guaranteed. Yet remaining in a situation that no longer fits can mean missing the opportunity to find something better aligned with who we've become.

And while those decisions are ultimately personal, they don't have to happen in isolation. The people who stand beside us through life's changes can offer encouragement, perspective, and reassurance when we're struggling to take that first step.

After all, friendship isn't just about having someone to celebrate the good times with. It's also about having someone who will sit with us through the uncertainty, remind us of our strength, and help us see that a new chapter doesn't have to be something we fear. Sometimes, moving forward is exactly what we need, and having the right people in our corner makes all the difference.

And remember: every day is all we have, so you've got to make your own happiness.

For more information on this topic, listen to Episode 187. Queer Friendship: The Story Behind Besties in Crime.

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