181. Gay Powers Restored: Why Haircuts Hit Different

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Sure, the world is crumbling around us. But at least a good haircut will make sure I go out in style.

Episode Introduction (0:24)

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay. I'm Rob Loveless, and today I'm a non-jaded gay, because it's finally starting to feel like spring.

Yesterday was so sunny and warm. I got to wear shorts. Skies out, thighs out.

And I walked around to do some errands and some shopping, and there were so many people out, and it was just nice to see everyone come out of hibernation.

And hopefully, this means full speed ahead, with spring. And with lighter days comes lighter topics.

Gay Hair Therapy (0:51)

You know, I realized the past few episodes were kind of heavy. I mean, definitely important to talk about, but I thought it was important to throw in a lighter topic to keep things fun.

So today we are talking about something a little superficial: haircuts.

I always love going to the barber and getting my hair cut, and I thought it was just a me thing, but I feel like I've seen other LGBTQ+ people on social media express similar sentiments, saying gay powers restored, or that it's gay therapy.

So, I wanted to see if there was anything to this, and we will get to it. But before we do, you know the drill. Tarot time.

Tarot (1:25)

So today we drew a Major Arcana card, and that is The Hermit in reverse. And as a reminder, Major Arcana cards indicate big life changes.

Now The Hermit is number nine in the Major Arcana, and nine means we're just about at the end of a cycle and getting ready to start a new chapter, but we still have a little bit further to go, so we need to continue pushing ahead.

Now, this is a really interesting card, because when we draw The Hermit upright, it's indicating that we're gaining wisdom through solitude.

However, when we draw it in reverse, like we did today, it's indicating that we're either not taking enough time for ourselves personally or we're isolating ourselves.

Obviously, it's healthy to take time to be alone with ourselves and our thoughts, but there's a fine line between that and withdrawing entirely from others.

So, this card is asking us to look within and rely on our intuition to figure out how we can rebuild ourselves on a spiritual level.

The Psychology of Haircuts (2:12)

And with that in mind, let's get into the episode. Now, heads up, this episode will probably largely be anecdotal, but I do have some data for you up front.

And one of the most comprehensive pieces of literature I found from an academic standpoint is a July 2025 article by Miles Vince titled Haircut as a Catalyst for Identity Transformation and Social Perception: A Multidimensional Review.

Now, full disclosure, this is currently a preprint, which means it has not been peer reviewed yet. However, it does cite some past research from previously peer-reviewed studies.

Now, the author asserts that self-identity and social identity are formed through a combination of internal self-understanding and external social interactions, which includes a person's unique traits, how they present themselves, and their sense of belonging to groups.

So, as you can imagine, haircuts and hairstyles function as powerful nonverbal signals that influence first impressions and social perception.

And because people rely heavily on visual cues when interpreting others, hairstyle changes can shape how individuals are recognized and categorized in social interactions.

So, a haircut can serve as a visible expression of personal identity, while also acting as a social signal that communicates information about personality, group affiliation, or values.

Hairstyles are also forms of self-expression within fashion, which allows people to craft a personal image and communicate meaning to others, which can represent individuality, social roles, or group identity.

Haircuts can also function as status symbols, since certain styles may reflect access to resources, cultural identity, or social standing.

And we've seen this throughout history with men's hairstyles reflecting cultural movements.

And we kind of talked about that regarding facial hair in the Are Mustaches Gay? episode and also the Castro Clone episode.

Furthermore, there was a study published in December 2000 in Mankind Quarterly titled The Effect of Hairdressing on the Self-Esteem of Men and Women.

In it, researchers measured self-esteem before and after hair appointments, and found that women experienced a statistically significant increase in self-esteem after their hair was styled.

Meanwhile, men did not experience that same increase in self-esteem after, and they had a couple of theories as to why this was.

First is that getting a haircut for men may represent loss, since hair is being physically removed. However, more interesting to me is the theory that cultural expectations could be at play.

Since men are often socialized to place less emphasis on appearance and grooming as part of their identity, changes in appearance, like a haircut, may not translate as directly into measurable self-esteem improvements.

And we've talked through some of those cultural expectations in the metrosexuality episode.

Why Haircuts Boost Confidence (4:33)

Now, while there may be limited data, anecdotally, many claim that haircuts have a positive impact on confidence.

AkanDoc lifestyle, a small telehealth platform, points to three potential reasons why a haircut can be a self-esteem booster.

First, is that it gives you a sense of control over your appearance that suits your face shape, personality, and lifestyle.

Next is that grooming is a form of self-care, and people who feel good about their appearance tend to have higher self-esteem and emotional well-being.

And last is the halo effect, which I saw pop up in a few other articles.

Now, this is basically a form of cognitive bias where one positive trait of a person, brand, or product influences an observer's overall judgment, which causes them to assume other unrelated positive traits.

And as this relates to hair care, if you're well dressed and well-groomed with a fresh haircut, people may perceive you as more confident, professional, and attractive, which can create a positive feedback loop.

So again, somewhat anecdotal.

How Hair Signals LGBTQ+ Identity (5:24)

But with all that in mind, why does a haircut sometimes feel like it literally restores your gay powers? Well, there's a mix of culture, identity, and social signaling there.

According to Mission Magazine, style and dress are fundamental tools people use to visually communicate their identities.

And the LGBTQ+ community has historically used fashion as a means to not only express themselves, but also to be subtle signifiers to recognize others in the community.

For example, post-World War II, there was a strong backlash against LGBTQ+ people, which forced many to be more cautious in their social interactions and shaped the development of subcultural styles.

Within the lesbian community, working-class bar culture played a key role in shaping the butch aesthetic, which reflected traditionally masculine traits, such as wearing suits and ties or sporting short haircuts.

Meanwhile, the femme style aligned with stereotypical feminine aesthetics, including makeup and traditionally feminine clothes.

And this was a politically significant style, since butch women refused to pass as straight, which made lesbianism visible.

Within the gay male community, a similar phenomenon existed with the Castro Clones.

Castro Clones were gay men who adopted the dress and grooming of an idealized working-class man, often featuring short, neat haircuts, mustaches, and sideburns.

Their hairstyles were intentionally low-maintenance, emphasizing masculinity and signaling alignment with a recognizable social identity within the gay community.

Tight-fitting clothing, leather jackets, Levi jeans, and plaid shirts were paired with these short haircuts to highlight the body.

Much like the butch lesbians of working-class bar culture, Castro Clones used haircuts and grooming as a form of social signaling, creating a visible code that communicated desirability, identity, and community affiliation.

And this was deeply tied to cultural norms, masculinity ideals, and sometimes exclusion within the gay community. And previously, we also talked about how grooming can create confidence.

For example, in the metrosexuality episode, we talked about how caring about grooming and fashion was often framed as part of a quote-unquote gay aesthetic.

Haircuts, hair styling, and personal grooming have long been coded as identity signals, and this cultural lens helps explain why even something as simple as a haircut can feel deeply personal and affirming.

And historically, gay men have been at the forefront of male grooming trends, all the way from the Castro Clone we just talked about to modern queer hairstyles.

These trends weren't just about aesthetics. They were also about visibility in a world that often policed masculinity and sexuality.

So, when we talk about haircuts or experimenting with a new style, we're tapping into a cultural lineage pioneered by queer communities.

And this extends beyond haircuts into more long-term hair care decisions like using finasteride to prevent hair loss or pursuing hair transplants.

For many gay men, maintaining or restoring care isn't just about vanity. It's about self-expression, confidence, and aligning your appearance with how you feel inside.

And similar to the metrosexual trend, these choices are part of a broader conversation about how men, especially gay men, navigate societal expectations, personal identity, and self-care.

Personal grooming, whether it's a simple haircut, coloring your hair, or investing in medical hair treatments, becomes a form of empowerment.

It's a way of reclaiming control over your image, signaling confidence to the world, and sometimes even subtly challenging stereotypes about masculinity or sexuality.

And just like with metrosexuality, there's a social signaling component.

The choices you make about your hair can communicate aspects of your personality, your values, or your sense of style without saying a word.

For gay men, this can feel especially potent, because hair has historically been a tool for community recognition and even survival in a heteronormative society.

And back in February, we talked about the importance of gender affirming care, and haircuts play a role in this.

For many LGBTQ+ people, their hairstyle is one of the first ways they can physically align their appearance with the gender they identify as.

And this can have real psychological benefits, since feeling more aligned with one's gender identity can improve confidence and self-esteem. Even for cisgender people, these elements can overlap.

When someone chooses a style that expresses masculinity, softness, or flamboyance, it can feel like reclaiming control over how the world sees you, which might be one of the reasons people describe a fresh haircut as gay therapy.

Why LGBTQ+ Barbershops Matter (9:13)

And that brings us to the people behind the chair. For many gay men, walking into a traditional barber shop can feel intimidating.

I mean, for me, sometimes the barber shop felt like middle school gym class. All the boys seemed to gravitate to each other, broing it up, while I felt like an outsider.

I mean, think about it, traditional barber shops can feel like they're alpha male, hyper masculine energy.

And whether you're listening to the other guys having some locker room talk or being asked questions about your own life, it can make you feel like you're out of place, which is why LGBTQ+ affirming barbershops are so important.

In Boston, South End M Arida intentionally built their barbershop around gender affirming haircuts and creating a space where LGBTQ+ clients feel safe, comfortable, and seen. And this came from personal experience.

They didn't always feel seen in traditional barber shops, and after training at New England Hair Academy, they wanted to create a space where LGBTQ+ people could feel at ease.

And in 2019, Arida began marketing specifically to the LGBTQ+ community, and uses social media to share clips of gender affirming haircuts and discusses pronouns and clients' relationships to their hair.

Outside of Phoenix, Addison Mees founded HEADCRAFT studio with messaging like "come as you are" to signal that clients shouldn't have to code-switch when they get a haircut.

Mees noted that there's a lot of toxic masculinity in the barber world, and designed his space to be inclusive and non-judgmental. Here's a quote:

"Butching yourself up, altering your voice, altering your mannerisms, altering a lot about yourself to be in the space and getting ready to be taken care of by someone who you don’t know where they stand on their identity? I felt that gap in so many other areas in my life, so I empathize with that."

And then in Chicago, Jamie DiGrazia, owner of Logan Parlor, is challenging gendered pricing models.

Instead of charging men's or women's rates, DiGrazia bases pricing on hair length and style in an effort to make salons more equitable and affirming.

They also promote this framework across the industry through their nonprofit, Hair Has No Gender.

Iconic Queer Hair Trends (11:01)

And of course, we can't talk about restoring our gay powers without talking about queer hairstyles.

A 2023 article in Them asked stylists to list some of the most iconic queer hairstyles, which included the undercut, the man bun, the slicked back.

And I had a slicked-back undercut once, so double gay, I guess.

The wolf cut. The mullet, currently, it's apparently making a comeback for the LGBTQ+ community. The bowl cut, thanks, Will Byers.

A blunt fringe and jellyfish hair, which I had never heard of until reading this article.

The “Gay in Distress” Trope (11:29)

And of course, separate from the actual style is the hair color.

We've all heard of the gay in distress trope, where they bleached their hair, which I actually did once, and not because I was in distress.

I swear. I had always wanted to bleach my hair, but I never did because I was nervous about it not being considered professional in the workplace, or that my hair would out me.

But then, when the world shut down in March 2020, my company wasn't using webcams during the pandemic, and I thought, well, no one can see me, so I might as well.

Now mixed results, and my poor scalp. But I went pretty light, like platinum at one point, and I'd like to think I was giving Freddie Prinze Jr in Scooby Doo, minus the ascot.

But because I wasn't cutting my hair at the time during the pandemic, it grew out so you could see the roots pretty quickly.

Anyway, I'll have to see if I can find some photos to share, but there's one where I think I look like a Swedish pop star.

And while people may consider bleached blonde hair signifying a gay in distress, for me, it was a sense of freedom.

Episode Closing (12:18)

And that also kind of proves the point that we've been talking about through this episode. Hair is symbolic, and it can represent reclaiming control, reinventing yourself, or starting a new chapter.

And connecting it to the tarot, The Hermit in reverse. Again, this card is telling us we're either not taking enough time for ourselves or we're isolating ourselves from others.

So, we need to look within to figure out which it is and let our intuition guide us on how we can reconnect in a way that's in alignment with ourselves.

And while it might seem like a lighter connection, I think our hairstyles are one way we can align our appearance with our identity.

For starters, getting a haircut seems to be an instant mood booster and a form of self-care. So, it's something easy to do if we need to take a little time for ourselves to feel good.

But more than just taking literal time for ourselves, our hairstyles and appearance allow us to carve out space for our authentic selves.

And with The Hermit asking us to look within, our appearance, whether through a haircut or a new style, can allow us to reconnect with ourselves and express who we are to the world around us.

And beyond our individual selves, hairstyles and trends can create a sense of community, whether that's specific to queer identity like the Castro Clones, or to society at large.

Also, with more barbershops and salons that offer gender affirming care, the LGBTQ+ community is carving out safe spaces to experiment with your appearance as it aligns to your authentic self.

So, while a haircut may seem like just another thing on your to-do list or simple act, it's actually an intentional action that allows us to take time for ourselves, reconnect with our identity, and step into our power, just like The Hermit asks us to do.

Connect with A Jaded Gay (13:42)

So, there you have it. Gay powers restored. Who doesn't love a good haircut?

Anyway, I'd be curious to know your thoughts, so send me an email rob@ajadedgay.com.

Also, let's keep the conversation going. Head on over to our official Discord server, the LGBTQuties Lounge, to connect with myself and other listeners.

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Mmm-bye.