Gay men often grapple with perfectionism, navigating societal expectations and internalized standards that can intensify the pursuit of an idealized self-image. Known as the Best Little Boy in the World archetype, some gay men overcompensate in certain aspects of their lives, such as their career, appearance, and other achievements, to deflect negative attention away from their sexuality.
In this episode, we’re diving into the origins of the Best Little Boy in the World persona, examining research on how sexual minority men link self-worth more closely to achievement-related domains compared to their straight counterparts, and discussing how we can grow up beyond this archetype by overcoming our internalized homophobia.
Related Episodes:
Listen to Episode 01. Hello, Trauma. It's Me, Rob.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/01-hello-trauma-its-me-rob/id1619338054?i=1000558015683
Listen to Episode 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your Perfectionism
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/13-perfectly-imperfect-conquer-your-perfectionism/id1619338054?i=1000569642304
Listen to Episode 85. Boundaries: How to Understand and Set Them
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/85-boundaries-how-to-understand-and-set-them/id1619338054?i=1000641820212
Listen to Episode 94. Girl, Please: Say No to People-Pleasing
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/94-girl-please-say-no-to-people-pleasing/id1619338054?i=1000649684367
Additional Resources:
The Best Little Boy in the World by Andrew Tobias
https://www.amazon.com/Best-Little-Boy-World-Anniversary/dp/0345381769/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.wNXsFal1fdsVXyEHg3Z0WQ.uzy7G9S7upcshTbEpx8zql7KWrMyMMqY8Sh0B_-BJTw&dib_tag=se&qid=1708361946&refinements=p_27%3A+John+%5BTobias%5CcAndrew%5D+Reid&s=books&sr=1-1&text=Andrew%5D+Reid%2C+John+%5BTobias
The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up
https://www.publishersweekly.com/9780375501111
The Social Development of Contingent Self-Worth in Sexual Minority Young Men: An Empirical Investigation of the “Best Little Boy in the World” Hypothesis
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/271750098_The_Social_Development_of_Contingent_Self-Worth_in_Sexual_Minority_Young_Men_An_Empirical_Investigation_of_the_Best_Little_Boy_in_the_World_Hypothesis
Study: Being in the Closet Drives You to Be More Successful, More Awful
https://www.queerty.com/best-little-boy-in-the-world-20130510
The Best Little Boy in the World — That's Me
https://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/07/opinion/the-best-little-boy-in-the-world-thats-me.html
Queer Like Pete
https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/11/pete-buttigieg-gay-archetype-best-little-boy.html
Why Do Young Gay Men Try to Be the Best?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-sexual-continuum/201304/why-do-young-gay-men-try-be-the-best
Good Little Boy Syndrome
https://queerjoe.com/2019/10/30/good-little-boy-syndrome/
The Best Little Boy in the World
https://lifebeyondtherapy.com/the-best-little-boy-in-the-world/#:~:text=It's%20the%20idea%20that%20young,us%20LGBT%20men%20and%20women%3F
Superego
https://www.britannica.com/science/superego
Best Little Boy In The World
https://www.lukeallenphd.com/blog/best-little-kid
30 Ways to Deal with Internalized Homophobia for LGBTQ People
https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/30-ways-to-combat-internalized-homophobia/
Be Kind to Yourself
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201802/be-kind-yourself
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https://a-jaded-gay.creator-spring.com/
