163. Queer Belonging in the Digital Age (with Nick Paul)

Snarky Opener (0:00)

Nick Paul

We've always resonated with the outcasts, and we've always been misunderstood.

And I think it's more important than ever to like stand by our community and also have Halloween as an outlet to have some fun and make some more connections.

Episode Introduction (0:36)

Rob Loveless

Hello, my LGBTQuties, and welcome back to another episode of A Jaded Gay.

I'm Rob Loveless, and today, I am a non-jaded gay because I feel like I've finally been catching up on some things that have been driving me nuts, that I just haven't been able to get around to.

You know, balancing work and grad school and house projects and the podcast and hanging out with friends and just some basic day to day stuff, I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew, and I've really been having a tough time kind of balancing everything, because I want to do everything, but I only have so much time.

And I think this is the first time in my life I've really felt burnout. Like over the summer, it's been a little rough.

And it's a new feeling for me, so I'm realizing that I need to scale back a little bit and see what's most feasible for right now, and then down the road, once I have grad school off my plate, maybe I can scale back up.

So, with that in mind, one thing I'm scaling a little bit back on is the podcast. As you probably saw, for September, there were only two episodes that came out on a biweekly basis.

For the remainder of 2025, that's what I'm planning to do. Just releasing the podcast on a bi-weekly basis to give myself a little bit more free time to get the other things done in life, and also start working ahead on some episodes for 2026.

So, I'm hoping that in January, when I'm back after my typical holiday break, I'll be able to release on a weekly basis again.

But for right now, this is just what's realistic to keep the podcast going without me totally burning myself out. But there certainly won't be a lack of content.

We still have monthly bonus episodes every month on the Patreon. And there's also the blog posts. I have two a week scheduled till at least April, for right now. Probably even longer than that.

So, there won't be any shortage of podcast content. Just the episodes for the remainder of this year will just be every other week.

Spooky Season Queerness (2:17)

Rob Loveless

Anyway, one thing that's helping me feel recharged is that it is officially October. We're in Spooky Season. I love it.

One of my favorite times of the year, and so that means it's time to start getting into some Spooky Season topics, including today's episode, which we have a very special guest joining us.

I'm very excited to bring him on, but before we do, you know the drill. Let's pull our tarot card.

Tarot (2:42)

Rob Loveless

So, for this episode, we drew The Hermit in reverse. This is a Major Arcana card, so it's signifying something big in our lives.

The Hermit is number nine in the Major Arcana, which is tied to solitude and nearing completion of a cycle. So, we're almost there, but we still have a bit farther to go.

And The Hermit is an interesting card, because when we draw it upright, it signifies wisdom and solitude, but when we draw it in reverse, it's indicating that we may be living in isolation and feeling lonely.

Specifically, when we draw this card in reverse, it's indicating that we may be spending too much time alone or not enough time with ourselves.

We may have become so busy with our day-to-day lives that we aren't able to listen to our inner self, and so we want to make sure we have more time to ourselves to get in touch with our inner wants and desires.

However, there's a fine line here, because we don't want to become too isolated and cut ourselves off from others.

So, it's a balancing act, and we really need to rely on our intuition to understand where we're at right now and how we can reconnect with the world around us, whether that means literally reconnecting with our social connections in life, or reconnecting with the things we're passionate about.

Guest Introduction (3:45)

Rob Loveless

And with that in mind, I'm very excited to welcome today's guest. He is the creator of the TikTok account The Wicked Pumpkin. Please welcome Nick Paul.

Hi, Nick, how are you today?

Nick Paul

Good, Rob. How are you?

Rob Loveless

Doing well, thanks. It is finally October. I've been gearing up for this since like August 1. Just ready for fall, pumpkin, all things spooky.

So, I'm really excited to have you on today to talk about your TikTok and Instagram account, The Wicked Pumpkin, which I think will really help bring all the LGBTQuties out there into spooky season, and get ready for the fun month ahead.

Nick Paul

Yes, I am so excited. I actually have a Halloween party that I'm hosting with PVD Horror coming up, and we're really hoping to get some LGBTQ community, especially within Providence, at that event.

So, it's really exciting.

Rob Loveless

Awesome. That sounds like a lot of fun. And before we get too into all things spooky and horror and Halloween, I was wondering if you could just introduce yourself to listeners.

Tell them a little bit about how you identify, your background, career, pronouns, all that fun stuff.

Nick Paul

Of course. So, my name is Nick. I'm from the Providence, Rhode Island area. I identify as he/him and gay, and I've been out since I was 18 years old. I'm 32 now, so it feels like a lifetime ago, but also doesn't.

I feel like I don't know if you experience this, Rob, or other people on your podcast, but like, you know, they always say, like, gay people tend to, like, really live like, their teen years within their 20s and 30s.

And I feel like that kind of happened for me. I've always related to, like, people who are older than me. So, like, even growing up, I was like an old soul.

But I do feel like now that, like, I've kind of truly like, become who I am, and just living life to the fullest and not really caring as much what people think I'm like, kind of going through my kind of younger self, even though I'm like, in my 30s, if that makes any sense.

Rob Loveless

Yeah, it does. And I think, too, that might be part of the tie-in to why people enjoy Halloween so much, or why, I guess I should say, the LGBTQ+ community enjoys Halloween so much.

Even into adulthood, because I think it gives us a chance to kind of relive some of the fascination, excitement that we had around the holiday when we were younger.

Nick Paul

No, for sure. Yeah, I mean, I've always loved Halloween, but I know, I totally know what you're saying. Like, I just, yeah.

Rob Loveless

Yeah, it gives you that opportunity to kind of explore that sense of wonder, but as an adult, where you kind of are a little bit more authentic into your own identity, and you really can embrace it and lean into do I want to dress super spooky?

Do I want to dress super campy? Or, you know, do I want to consider drag?

So, I think it just opens more doors for us in adulthood to kind of take off the heteronormative mask and really try on a new mask for the day.

Nick Paul

100%.

Rob Loveless

Well, I do like to ask all my guests too, today, are you a jaded or non-jaded gay, and why?

Nick Paul

I would say I'm a non-jaded gay today, just because, you know, I'm just coming back from vacation.

I just went on a really fun Euro trip with my partner and my friends, and we went to Switzerland, Germany, and Austria for Oktoberfest.

Kind of settled into work this week, and then just kind of, now it's spooky season, and I'm kind of booked with a lot of activities and like, podcast interviews with you, and just, you know, looking forward to this the season.

So not jaded quite yet. I will say, though, when I look at TikTok and Instagram and this political things that pop up, I then become a jaded gay because it's pretty depressing.

So at least Halloween, then spooky season is a good distraction from like, what's going on in the world, if that makes sense.

Rob Loveless

Absolutely. I mean, the horse persists, but so do we.

Nick Paul

Yep.

Rob Loveless

Well, I guess we can go right into it then. Your Instagram and TikTok handle is The Wicked Pumpkin, and it's already giving off spooky season energy.

So how did you come up with it, and how does it connect to your content or your personality?

Nick Paul

So, I came up with The Wicked Pumpkin when I, when I first started, for years, I was kind of afraid to put myself out there.

And originally, like, the name of my show was gonna be called, like, Nick's Picks, and I was gonna choose, like, oh, this is why I like it. Kind of similar to I do now.

But I was like, I don't know. I feel like I really need something that really shows my personality. Because, you know, two of the biggest things in my life is I, I'm gay, and I like spooky things.

So, I, even though you don't really see, like, gay really in the name it is, it almost sounds like it's a drag persona, even though it's not. So, I kind of like that. That I have, like, almost like a name.

And then the wicked, I say wicked a lot. Obviously, I live in New England, so we say, like, that was wicked good. That's wicked awesome.

But you can also use wicked as a term of, like, spooky and, like, a wicked witch, or, you know, something like that. So, I feel like to put the two together.

And then obviously, pumpkin. I love Halloween season, and Jack o' lanterns mean a lot to me. Like, I've always loved Jack O' Lanterns, but I also love pumpkin-flavored, you know, treats.

Like, especially like coffee and whatever. So tried to mesh everything together. And I think that's just how it kind of became the name.

Social Media & Community (8:28)

Rob Loveless

And why do you think social media and TikTok in particular has become such a powerful space for queer creators?

Nick Paul

So, I think it's become a powerful space and a tool because, you know, growing up, especially, you know, I'm millennial generation. I'm not Gen Z. I didn't have these platforms really to connect with.

We had Myspace and then Facebook, but now that, like, you know, I'm scrolling TikTok and Instagram and your for you page comes up, I'm seeing a lot of content that's relevant to like what I like, and whether that be, you know, other queer people talk about their experiences, whether it be coming out or navigating through the world as a queer person.

It's, it's giving me history I didn't know about, you know, like through, like the AIDS pandemic, and, yeah, I just feel like growing up, I was kind of sheltered. I went to Catholic school my whole life.

Went to church, and then, you know, kind of coming out of the closet is when I think social media, I was 18. That was 2011.

I feel like, as I've grown older, like the social media, Instagram, TikTok, has come on the rise, and there's just way more platforms to kind of connect with people who are even more like you.

I think when you come out, you're just like, okay, like, first is your gay community, right? That's like the first step.

You want to just kind of come out how you ever identify, but then you get really niche, and you want to connect with people who are like you.

So, you know, I have people messaging me like, oh, like, I love your spooky content as like a gay person, whatever. So, I just think it, like, brings people together, and that's how we've even connected, right?

Like I saw your your page, and you know, you're a gay man with a podcast, and you know, I found your content interesting. And now here we are. We've connected.

So, I do think it's become a powerful space to connect with other people who think like you, make new friends, and kind of come up with ideas that you never really thought you could even think of.

Rob Loveless

I love that. And I think especially too, for so long, the LGBTQ+ community has felt like it's been confined to the large gay cities or metros or gayborhoods, whatever you want to call them.

And over time, we've realized that there are so many LGBTQ+ people across the country, some of them in geographical areas that may be very conservative, and there may not be an immediate physical community for them there.

So, I think silver lining through the pandemic is we really lowered those physical boundaries, where we're now able to connect with others in online spaces, whether it's Zoom meetings, remote work, whatever.

But I think that also carries over into social media, because we did see kind of the rise in popularity of TikTok during the pandemic. So, totally agree with you there.

And with that in mind, too, how do you use your TikTok and Instagram platforms to encourage self-expression, especially during a season that celebrates costumes, transformation, and play?

Nick Paul

So, the other day, I had posted a video of, you know, me on September 30 versus me on October 1, and it's kind of me and my, you know, fall t-shirt with like a skeleton, and I'm holding, like, Sam's lollipop from the movie Trick 'r Treat.

And then I go into like, like a spooky vampire. And, you know, even though it's not super relevant to the my usual content of me going somewhere and reviewing it, I'm like this, I don't know, I just, I want to show people like, have fun with Halloween.

Like, you know, live for the nostalgia. Live, for those moments that, like, made you glow as a child, and then also as an adult, like, it's just really fun. I like to dress up. Not everyone does like dressing up.

I understand that. I've always leaned towards the spooky side, but now, as I've gotten older, I'm like, I do spooky and sexy, you know. For like, one year, I was a slutty pumpkin, you know.

And this is before I even started, like, my Wicked Pumpkin phase, but it, you know, long story short, for years, I would always go, like, have this drink, and it was a pumpkin beer with a shot of vanilla vodka, and I called it a slutty pumpkin.

And everyone, when you're I was like, you should really just be like a slutty pumpkin for Halloween. I was like, you know what I should? Because I love the drink so much. And then I did.

And you know what? It's campy. It's, it's it's sexy and it's fun, it's a little spooky. And kind of going back to the name, The Wicked Pumpkin. Maybe that's like, where some inspiration came from, too.

Rob Loveless

And it's funny that you mentioned that, because actually, this past weekend, I went to the movies to go see The Strangers Chapter Two, which unfortunately was a little bit of a letdown.

But during it, they were showing the trailers, and they were showing the trailer for Trick 'r Treat because it's going to be playing back in theaters for a limited time this year.

And shortly after I saw that, I did see that costume you posted with the lollipop from the movie. So, love that connection there.

Nick Paul

Yeah, it's, it's, it's been one of my favorite movies for a long time.

And I just there was a lot of backstory there. I when I was younger, the trailer had come out, and then it actually took two and a half years for the movie to be released.

There were some issues with it because, like at the time, it was kind of controversial for children to die in horror movies. Now, as you know like, I feel like children aren't safe anymore.

But when the movie finally came out, my grandmother, who's passed away now, she also loved Halloween.

She drove me to FYE, and I picked up a copy immediately of Trick 'r Treat, and I watched it, and it's just become, like, one of my favorite movies, because it's silly.

I feel like there is some like, lesbian vibes in the movie with the werewolf story, which is super fun. And, you know, it just really brings that true Halloween aesthetic that I like.

TikTok Trends & Connection (13:45)

Rob Loveless

Well, with that in mind, have you noticed any specific ways TikTok trends bring queer people together, especially during seasonal moments like Halloween?

Nick Paul

Yeah, I would say, especially with like, songs. I feel like, you know, you always have the big thing right now is, like, kind of like the transitional that I did.

I wouldn't say the song that I used is really trendy right now, because I do use Rob Zombie's Living Dead Girl.

But, you know, a lot I noticed a lot of people, they'll be like, dancing or, you know, moving, and then all of a sudden, they have, like, their Halloween costume, or like, they snap to spooky season.

And you know, I do notice that a lot of the time it is queer people, because they usually, our community loves to dress up, you know.

And I think Halloween is a chance for us to feel a little more free, because usually dressing up as a little like, you know, seemed a little weird. I feel like outside the norm.

But during this season, people don't really blink twice about it, because it's Halloween. So, we feel a little more comfortable doing even more than normal, if that makes sense.

Halloween’s Queer Appeal (14:42)

Rob Loveless

Definitely. And you kind of just touched upon this in your previous answer. But why do you think Halloween in particular resonates so strongly within the queer community?

Nick Paul

Well, I always feel like, even not just Halloween, but even like villains, like in a Disney movie, or, you know, a show, or you want, you know, Frankenstein.

We've always resonated, I feel like, with the outcasts, and we've always been misunderstood.

So, I think that, you know, people have always seen us as, like, odd, or don't want to accept us, like, even in Frankenstein, right? Like the monster.

The crowd is out to get the monster, and he doesn't; he hasn't even done anything, and so misunderstood.

Or even in Wicked, you know, coming out like Elphaba, they come to get her and all that, and she just hasn't done anything.

And I think us, as LGBTQ people, people can relate to that, because we feel that on a daily basis. Especially with the trans community right now, they feel so isolated.

And I think it's more important ever to, like, stand by our community, and also have, you know, Halloween as an outlet to have some fun and make some more connections.

Online Connections (15:52)

Rob Loveless

And what's been the most surprising or heartwarming connection you've made with someone through your content?

Nick Paul

Actually, here's a great story. So, the other night, I was at a bar, Deadbeats. And you know, for a long time, I have followed a drag performer named Ricky Mortis.

And you know, they were the first drag performer to be in one of my first hosting gigs. And now we've become friends, and we were talking at the bar.

And then next to me there was another, these two guys, and they were, oh, excuse me. And I'm like, Oh, no problem.

And I turned my head, and they're actually The Scariest Cut, another podcast I had followed in my earlier days, and I didn't know they were going to be there.

And, like, then all of us just kind of started talking and and hanging out. And I just feel like it's the power of social media, and like we're all like, rooting for each other.

And, you know, I think maybe on the inside, all of us have felt like outcasts, and then it's kind of fun to like see like us all getting bigger and watching each other grow and just staying connected.

So, it was like, oh, that was like a really little special moment the other night.

Queer Travel Destinations (16:54)

Rob Loveless

And you were telling us up front how you were just on a trip in Europe beforehand. For anyone following your accounts, you'll see that you travel quite a bit.

So, as an LGBTQ+ traveler, where's your favorite spooky season destination and what makes it special for queer travelers?

Nick Paul

So, as an LGBTQ+ traveler, I feel like my favorite spooky season destination is actually specifically Kilkenny, Ireland. I do have a video that I am creating that I recorded content last year.

I went to Ireland last October, and Kilkenny was such this awesome, magical, magical little town.

It's basically Salem, but like, way older, and you know, it's where the first person accused of witchcraft, the first, one of the witch, first witch trials in Ireland was. And, you know, I took this amazing ghost tour.

And then, you know, just on top of it, Ireland is so LGBTQ+ friendly. And, you know, not too far from Kilkenny, you can take a train to Dublin.

And Dublin had so many fun gay bars. I think we went to, like, four different ones, and there was even more to explore. So, I feel that, especially in October, if you're a Halloween lover, go to Ireland.

See where, like, you know, Samhain, you know All Hallows Eve originated, and you know also, you'll feel, you'll feel safe there.

Rob Loveless

I'll definitely have to add that to my list, because, like I was saying, I haven't traveled as much as I would like to. I'm trying to do that a little bit more now.

So definitely looking for some must-see travel destinations as a queer person.

Nick Paul

Yeah, and honestly, my recommendation, Rob, if you also love spooky stuff, try to go take a ghost tour wherever you go. Like we just went in Munich. We did a ghost tour there.

And I feel like ghost tours, especially internationally, are always a great way to learn some interesting facts about the city you're visiting.

So even if you don't believe in ghosts or you love spooky things, you're you're going on a night tour, which is a little cooler, the sun's not on your face, you're learning some great history.

And then they kind of throw some pizzazz in there, like whether you believe in the superstitions or ghosts and demons or not. But I just I think it makes it more interesting.

So that would be my recommendation for listeners. If you're going to another country and you don't know where you're going, book a ghost tour.

Sometimes they'll include alcohol in it, which I appreciate, or like some chocolate and snacks. But yeah, I love it.

Rob Loveless

Absolutely. And I love a ghost tour. I try to do some kind of haunted history wherever I go.

And with that in mind, too, I was curious, what are some hidden gem spots you visited that really embrace both Pride energy and spooky vibes?

Nick Paul

So, as I mentioned before, I was at a dive bar with some friends, which is called Deadbeats in Providence, Rhode Island. Deadbeats is not technically a gay bar, but it kind of has become one, in a way.

There this is like basically the perfect blend of spooky and gay and quirkiness and nostalgia, and um, it holds a very special place in my heart, because when I first started doing socials, my Deadbeats TikTok blew up.

And then that that's why I really have a special connection to this bar. And then I hosted a Pride pre-game party in June at Deadbeats, because in Providence, Rhode Island, we have a huge Pride for such a small city.

And when I was talking to one of the bar owners, I was like, I noticed that, like, you know, there's so many queer people that come into Deadbeats, but there's no official like event for them, for Pride.

Like, it's a good spot if they want to get away from downtown. But I'm like, why don't we kick off an event that gets people excited for Pride weekend? And we called it Pride pre-game, and it was spooky.

We had a specialty cocktail called Boo, I'm Gay. Um, that was a huge hit, and we had some drag performers, and it was super fun. So, Deadbeats is one of them.

I would say another hidden gem that embraces Pride and spooky energy, honestly, all of the gay bars in Providence during Halloween. I know that sounds a little broad, but we go all out.

We have, like, the bars decorated, and it's like, we call it Little Fruit Loop in downtown Providence, and it's just like all little bars that are near each other.

So, you can just walk, you don't even have to Uber. Super welcoming.

Rob Loveless

And have you discovered any LGBTQ+ owned bars, cafes, or restaurants that go all out for Halloween?

Nick Paul

Um, I would say, you know, going back to Ireland, yes. And there was a couple bars that, like, went all out, especially in Providence. Salem, Massachusetts.

I don't have any specific bars or cafes in mind, but they, I mean, the whole town goes all out. Now, if you do go visit Salem, Massachusetts, in October, it is kind of crazy. The crowds are insane.

It's really hard to get into places. But if you kind of want that Halloween magic and you kind of want to see all the hustle and bustle, I do recommend going there to see it at least once.

I wouldn't say on Halloween night, but maybe like early October. And Salem is also really a progressive city. It makes people feel safe. There's a really cool store, a store there called Die With Your Boots on.

That's where I got my first harness for my Wicked Pumpkin costume. It's like a bright orange harness. So that would be a great place to check in if you're visiting Salem, Massachusetts.

Fall Treats (22:21)

Rob Loveless

And Halloween parties and fall gatherings are all about the menu. And I know you're telling us about the slutty pumpkin up front. So, beyond that, what's your go-to spooky season drink or dish to recommend?

Nick Paul

I love a good pumpkin Espresso Martini, you know. So, I feel like that. I do love an Espresso Martini on the norm. So, I feel like you just add some pumpkin into it. That's really good.

And I don't know, I'm actually a sucker for a good old-fashioned. I know it's not considered like a spooky drink, but I feel like once the fall hits, I kind of want, like, a whiskey, a whiskey drink, and I think a good old-fashioned you can't go wrong with.

And then for like, snacks and drinks. I obviously mentioned I love pumpkin in my coffee. So, I love a good pumpkin coffee.

One of my favorite drinks that I've discovered for coffee is the is the pumpkin loaf iced latte at The Cubby in Manville, Rhode Island. Awesome, awesome drink. It has like cold foam, cookie butter, delicious.

I know some people in the comments, like, how many calories is that? Like, don't worry about it. Just order the drink and have a good time.

Rob Loveless

Yeah, calories don't count when it's pumpkin.

Nick Paul

Yeah, I'll try anything pumpkin for the most part. I think sometimes the flavors are a little ridiculous. You know, I'm like, all right, I'm not trying that. But I do love a good pumpkin. And I love apple.

Like, let's not sleep on apple and cinnamon. Like, those are really good dishes too. Like, I do love the apple ice cream at the ice cream machine in Cumberland, Rhode Island.

And, of course, their pumpkin Oreo ice cream.

Rob Loveless

Oh, that sounds so good. Now I'm getting hungry.

Nick Paul

It's delicious.

Finding Community Online (23:59)

Rob Loveless

Well, as we're coming towards the end of this episode, I was wondering what queer TikTok accounts or creators inspire you, and how do you see them shaping LGBTQ+ culture on the platform?

Nick Paul

So first, I'd like to go over two gay couples that I follow. One is The Renovation Husbands, and the second are The Crafty, Crafty Lumberjacks. You know, I just love that they're always posting content.

They're creating things every day, not just creating content, but they're like, making crafts or like, renovating houses, and they're just openly themselves.

And what I love about The Crafty Lumberjacks is, like, they also love spooky season in the holidays, and they're always giving like, recommendations on like, you know, for DIY and all that.

So that's that's always fun to watch, and that's inspired me. I feel like just watching them, you know, as gay people, and being on The Drew Barrymore Show now, like, and being guest starring, like, it just shows you, like, if you keep going like, you'll get there.

I think for comedians, I love Zachariah Porter and Millennial Kyle. They're also from the New England, Massachusetts area.

And, you know, I feel like they both resonate with millennials in particular, and their sense of humor. And again, like they resonate to not just gay people, but like everyone.

And they're two openly gay men doing that, so I think that's really cool. Elliot Norris, he is pretty big, and he's always posting all different kind of kinds of things, but what I like about him is he'll try it like, what I resonate to is like he'll do a comedy thing, which I don't do, but he'll go try food.

He'll open packages of Labubus. And, like, you know, he doesn't have one specific thing. It's just like, he does all these different things, which I kind of like.

And then Bran Flakezz, I think that's, I'm pronouncing it right, He's just so funny. He's just like, walking around, talking about the tea, and, like, you know, friendships, and don't care what people think.

And, you know, he said something recently, like your content when you're just being yourself and not like overproducing it, and just that's what people connect to the most.

I don't think people want to see like fake, you know, personas, and that's who I try to be. I try to be authentically myself in real life and in my content.

So, I think, like, just a combination of all of these, these guys together, has helped me, like, think of new ideas for The Wicked Pumpkin and just myself in general.

Rob Loveless

And I feel like 2025 has been a very turbulent and tumultuous year, especially for the LGBTQ+ community.

And online, obviously, there can be a lot of toxicity even in social media. So, how do you think we as a community can push past this to really find our community online?

Nick Paul

You know, I think it's whether you're you have one follower, or you're like Taylor Swift. I think when you see any mean comments, it can strike a chord. You know, especially for LGBTQ+ people.

And I think that, you know, just try to ignore as much as you can, even though, you know, we can't stop people from saying negative things.

Like, I had been bullied, you know, when I was younger, you know, for being fat or being gay. And you know that really, like, struck a nerve with me, and it's something I carry with but now it's something that I'm really, like, proud of.

Like, you know, my body has fluctuated so much over time, and, you know, I've always had more, like, a feminine voice that I was very self-conscious of.

And now I'm just trying to be like, you know what? That's that's a part of who I am. And I've had people approach like, oh, your voice is so soothing when I watch your TikToks. Or, you know, it's really nice.

And hearing a compliment about my voice when I've been so self-conscious about it is really nice. And I think that surrounding yourself with people who really care about you authentically is so important, too.

I think, you know, I have a lot of acquaintances, and I love meeting new people, but I think, like the really close friends in my life, you know, I just trust them so much. I support them. I and they support me.

And, you know, going back to like, okay, the queer community, and you know, how can we ignore that and, like, fight that? I think just stay within your communities, keep having conversations.

Vote, vote, vote, I would say. I think that people just think you should vote for like the president. And I think your local elections are so important. You know, try not to get drowned in it.

You know, I used to work in the news, and it's so easy to have mean world syndrome and just think everything's bad.

And I think it's so important to stay informed of what's happening and like laws that are changing, but also stepping away from it at times too. It is okay to not always be obsessed about what's going on.

And just just talk it out with people who you trust with and that you know are going to have good conversations. And that's what I've learned.

I'm like, okay, this particular friend is into politics, and we can talk about it. This one it's going to make them stressed out. I want them to know where I stand and inform them about things.

We don't have to go all into it. Like, know your safe spaces, you know. So, going off the rails a bit, I think for gay people, a lot of our spaces are bars.

And as much as I love a good bar, I wish there were more like, just like a coffee shops or just other activities where we could go and just like, kind of hang out to make new friends and talk about these things, and not like, feel the pressure of drinking or smoking and all that.

Episode Closing (29:34)

Rob Loveless

And connecting it back to the tarot. The Hermit in reverse, again, this card upright typically signifies wisdom and solitude.

But when we draw it in reverse, it's indicating that we may be living in isolation and feeling lonely. Specifically, we might be spending too much time alone or not enough time with ourselves.

So, we really need to look inward to figure out what we need to do for ourselves and the best way to nurture our emotional well-being.

And as it relates this episode, I think you can see the importance of community.

Like we said, geographically, large cities have always had the reputation of being queer hubs, more LGBTQ+ friendly and accepting, and so it can feel isolating if you live in a region where there's typically not as much of a large LGBTQ+ population.

Fortunately, barriers have lowered, so we can access people remotely, even if we don't live in the same geographic region, to connect with one another in our community.

And with that in mind, online platforms like TikTok and Instagram can be a great opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals.

Like Nick said, historically, bars have been safe spaces for LGBTQ+ people, but that's also not the most comfortable environment for everyone.

After all, not everyone relates that scene, or they may not be that social, or for some, they may struggle with addiction, so being in a bar or somewhere around alcohol is not safe for them.

But fortunately, through social media, we are able to find other communities, even if they're not in our own backyards, where we can connect with other like-minded people in the community across a variety of interests and hobbies.

So, if you feel like you've been living in isolation, either physically by not living in an LGBTQ+ hub, or emotionally by distancing yourself from traditional LGBTQ+ spaces, maybe now's the time to open up and reach out to others through online platforms where you can connect with other LGBTQ+ people who have the same interests as you.

Because, after all, even though this community you're fostering may not be in your immediate geographical region, you never know who you'll connect with.

Connect with Nick (31:22)

Rob Loveless

Well, Nick, thank you so much for coming on today. This was such a fun episode, and I am fully ready for Halloween now.

I think when we're done recording here, I'm gonna go get a pumpkin coffee and watch the new VHS movie.

But as we're wrapping up, can you tell all the listeners where they can learn more about you and connect with you? Can you plug all the things?

Nick Paul

Of course. And before I do that, Rob, I just want to say also thank you so much for having me on. I have been a fan of your show for a long time, and I've loved seeing you grow as a gay content creator as well.

So, I know we're in this to support each other, and I genuinely, truly mean that, like you're doing great and you also have a great like voice. You're good with these questions. So, keep going with it.

But where the listeners can find me, I am The Wicked Pumpkin on TikTok and Instagram. You know, and I try to post every Wednesday. That's my goal is for Wicked Wednesdays.

And then, you know, I'll post some other things, content in between, whether it's me trying another new place or a nice coffee and my reaction.

Or just really anything in general, like if you love spooky and gay vibes or just want someone authentic, follow my account. And I really look forward to meeting new people along the way and seeing where this goes.

Rob Loveless

And all that information will be in the show notes. So be sure to connect with Nick after you're done listening to this.

Connect to A Jaded Gay (32:39)

Rob Loveless

And for the podcast, you know the drill. You can reach out to me with any questions or feedback rob@ajadedgay.com.

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Mmm-bye.